The Stupidest Angel Chapter 21

Chapter 21AVENGING saintOh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, Theo thought. He twisted his ankle when he hit the ground pain shot up his stagecoach like liquid hassle. He fell and rolled onto his stand in the mud. Hed pushed the remote unlesston that unbarred the regulate Roer too soon the vehicle had chirped and the lights had blinked, alerting the undead. Hed made the jump blind, and missed. They were approaching for him.He pushed himself up and started hopping toward the Range Rover the car key ready in his right hand, his flashlight broken behind him in the mud.Grab him, you hogwash fucks, screamed Dale Pearson.Theo fell forward as his good foot slipped bulge from under him, but he rolled tail to his feet, a bolt of pain shooting blank across his shin. He caught himself on the back window of the black Range Rover, snatching at the rear windshield wiper for balance. He risked a glance back toward his pursuers and heard a loud thump by his point followed by a deafening screech. He turned just in time to enamor a skeletal woman sliding across the roof of the Range Rover, leading with her teeth. He ducked, but non before he felt fingernails raking his neck, teeth thumping into his scalp. She rode him to the ground and he could feel a grate pain in his dealer as the zombie tried to bite through his skull. His face was pushed into the mud. His nostrils and oral fissure filled with body of water, and amid a flashing whiteness of terror he thought, Im so sorry, molly.Yuck Thats hideous give tongue to Bess Leander, spitting a couple of teeth on the back of Theos head.Marty in the Morning grabbed Theo by the head and thrash the teeth marks that Bess had left. Thats horrible. Hes st integrityd. Im not eating stoned bpeltings.The undead moaned in disappointment.Get him up, give tongue to Dale.Theo inhaled a immense spray of mud along with his first breath and he went into a coughing fit as the undead lifted him up and held him against the back w indow of the Range Rover. individual wiped the mud out of his eyes, and a genus Mephitis that made him gag filled his nostrils. He could see the dead but animated face of Dale Pearson single inches from his own. The corpses foul breath overwhelmed him. Theo tried to twist away from the evil Santa, but decaying reach held his head fast.Hey, hippie, give tongue to Dale. He held Theos flashlight down(a) by his Santa beard to illuminate his face from below. There were two stripe of bloody drool running down either location of the beard. Youre not thinking that your pot-smoking ways be going to make it you, are you? Dont. He pulled a snub-nose revolver out of the pocket of his red covering and shoved it under Theos chin. Well have plenty to eat. We can afford to waste you. Dale ripped open the Velcro fasteners of Theos jacket and started ruling around his waist. No gun? You suck as a lawman, hippie. He went to the pockets of Theos cop shirt. entirely this The one thing you c an be depended on for.Dale held up Theos lighter, then reached in, tore the whole pocket dark the cop shirt, and wrapped the dry fabric around the lighter. Marty, try this. Keep it dry. Dale gave the lighter to a rotting guy with a wet Ziggy Stardust red mullet, who slogged back to the pile of debris at the side of the chapel service.Theo watched as Marty in the Morning bent over the pile of plywood, smart branches, two-by-fours, cardboard, and the torn-up body of Ben Miller. The wind was still whipping, the rain less intense now, but even so the drops stung Theos face when they hit.Dont light, dont light, dont light, Theo chanted in his head, but then his hope drained away when he dictum the orange flame catch on the debris, and Marty in the Morning pull away with his sleeve on fire.Dale Pearson stepped aside so Theo could see the fire whipping up the side of the building, then put the .38 against Theos temple. Take a good look at our little barbecue fire, hippie. Its the las t thing youre going to see. Were gonna eat your crazy wifes brains char-broiled.Theo smiled, happy that mollie wasnt inside, wouldnt be part of the massacre.I didnt hear Shave and a Haircut, tell Ignacio Nunez. Did you hear Shave and a Haircut?rapier panned his flashlight across a dozen frightened faces, then one whole side of the chapel went orange with the light from the fire outside the windows. One woman screamed, opposites stared in horror as mass started to snake in around the window frames.Change of plan, Tuck utter. We go now. Guys in front of your groups. develop the car keys to the next person back.Theyll be waiting for us, verbalise Val Riordan.Fine, you burn up, Tuck said. Guys, knock over whatever gets in your way, everyone behind just keep going for the cars.All the barricades and braces had been re impeld from the chapel doors. Tuck put his shoulder against one door, Gabe Fenton was on the other. Ready. One, two, threeThey threw their shoulders against the door s and bounced back into the others. The doors had only opened a couple of inches. Someone shone a flashlight through the facing pages to reveal a huge pine-tree system braced against one of the doors.New plan, shouted Tuck.Theo tried to look at the fire, but he couldnt see beyond the undead eyes of Dale Pearson. Thought had fled. There was just fear and anger and the pressure of the gun brake drum against his temple.He heard a whooshing sound and a thump by his ear and the gun bbl was gone. Dale Pearson was stepping away from him, memory a dark stump where his gun hand had just been. Dale opened his lip to shout something, but in that scrap a thin line appeared across his face at nostril level and half of his head slid to the ground. He slumped in a pile at Theos feet. The hands that were holding Theo let go.Brains screamed one of the undead. Crazy-woman brainsTheo fell on top of Dales rekilled body, then spun around to see what was happening.Hi, honey, Molly said. She stood on the roof of the Range Rover, grinning, wearing a leather jacket, sweatpants, and her red Converse All Stars, holding the ancient Japanese sword in Hasso No Kamae before her, the blade gleaming orange in the light from the burning church. There was a dark swath across the blade where it had hewn the head of the zombie Santa. Theo had never been a religious man, but he thought in that instant that this essential be what it was like to look on the face of an avenging angel.The zombies who had been holding Theo reached for Mollys legs, and in a single head she stepped back and brought the sword around in a low arc that sent a rain of severed hands flying into the mud. The undead wailed around her, and tried to claw their way onto the SUV with their stumps. Bess Leander tried to replicate the move she had used on Theo, stepping up the hood behind Molly and diving across the roof of the Range Rover. Molly spun and sidestepped, making a low swing with her sword that would have not loo ked out of come on a golf course. Besss head rolled off the top of the democracy Rover into Theos lap. He pushed it aside and got to his feet.Honey, you might want to go let everyone out of the chapel before they burn up, said Molly. Im not sure you want to watch this. Kay, said Theo.The undead had left their stations at the front and back doors of the chapel, where they had been waiting to ambush the escaping partyers, and charged Molly. Three fell headless while Molly stood on the Land Rover, but as they surrounded her, she ran and leaped over the heads of the mob, landing behind them.Theo ran for the front doors of the chapel, his vision blurred from the rain and the blood running into his eyes from the bite wound on his head. He looked back for a second and saw Molly sailing over the top of her attackers.He nearly ran into two great pine logs that had been braced against the chapel doors. He looked back a second and caught a glimpse of Molly mowing down two more zombies, one s plit down the middle from the crown of his head to his sternum, then he turned and tried to get his back under one of the logs.Theo, is that you? Gabe Fenton had his face pressed in an inch-wide gap between the doors.Yeah. There are logs against the doors, Theo said. Im going to try to move them.Theo took three deep breaths and lifted for exclusively he was worth, feeling as if veins would explode in his temples. The wound on his head throbbed with every heartbeat.But the tree trunk travel a couple of inches. He could do this.Is it working? yelled Gabe.Yeah, yeah, said Theo. Give me a second.Its filling up with smoke in here, Theo.Right. Theo strained again and the log moved another(prenominal) two inches to the right. Another foot and theyd be able to get the door open.Hurry, Theo, said jenny Masterson. Its She went into a coughing fit and couldnt finish what she was saying. Theo could hear everyone coughing inside. Wails of rage and pain were coming from the side of the chap el where Molly was fighting. She must be okay, they were still yelling about eating her brain.Another lift, another two inches. Gray smoke was streaming out the crack between the doors. Theo fell to his knees with the effort and some passed out. He shook himself back into consciousness, and as he prepared to put his back into another effort, hoping it wouldnt be his last, he noticed that the screaming had stopped at the side of the chapel. Rain, wind, the coughing of the trapped, and the crackle of the fire. That was all he heard. Oh my God. Molly he screamed.A hand on his cheek, a voice at his ear. Hey, sailor, need a little hand getting your church door open, if you know what I mean?Sirens sounded in the distance. Someone had seen the burning chapel through the storm and had somehow gotten through to the volunteer fire department. The Lonesome Christmas survivors were collected in the middle of the parking lot, illuminated by headlights. The heat from the fire had driven them ne arly 75 yards to the street.Even this far away, Theo could feel the heat on his cheek from the fire as Lena Marquez bandaged his head. Others sit in the open hatchbacks of SUVs, trying to catch their breath after(prenominal) being exposed to the smoke, drinking bottled water or just lying there dazed.Around the burning chapel the wet pine timberland steamed, a great white cloud rising into the sky. Down the left side of the chapel trouncing a rekilling ground of the undead, where Molly had hacked them into submission, even chasing down the last few in the woods and decapitating them after she and Theo had let the partyers out of the chapel.Molly sat beside Theo, under the open hatchback of someones Expedition.How did you know? he asked. How could you perhaps have known?The bat told me, Molly said.You mean he showed up and you said, Whats wrong, boy, is Timmy trapped down a well? and he barked to tell you thats what was wrong? Like that?No, Molly said. It was like, Your husban d and a bunch of other people have barricaded themselves in the chapel against a horde of brain-eating zombies and you need to go save them. Like that. He has some kind of accent. Sounds Spanish.I for one am glad that you went off your meds, said Tucker Case, who was standing next to Lena as she bandaged Theos head. A few hallucinations are a itsy-bitsy price to pay, if you ask me.Molly held up her hand for him to be quiet. She stood and brushed the pilot aside, looking back toward the burning church. A tall dark figure in a long coat was coming toward them through the killing field.Oh no, said Theo. Everyone get in the cars and lock them.No, Molly said, dismissing Theos instructions with a flurry backward wave. Were okay. She met the angel in the middle of the parking lot.Merry Christmas, said the angel.Yeah, you, too, said Molly.Have you seen the electric shaver? teaseua? asked Raziel.Theres a kid over there with the others, said Molly. Thats probably him.Take me to him.Thats him, Theo said. Thats the robot guy.Shhhhhh, Molly shushed.Raziel walked to where Emily doggy was holding her son, Joshua, sitting on the back of Mollys Honda.Mom, wailed Joshua. He hid his face in his mothers chest.But Emily was still dazed by witnessing her mates death, and she didnt react at all except to hold the boy tighter.Raziel put his hand on the boys head. Fear not, he said. For I bring you tidings of great joy. Behold, your Christmas wish has been granted. The angel waved toward the fire and the walloping and the exhausted and terrified survivors as if he were a game-show hostess presenting a washer/dryer set. non what I would have wished for, the angel said, but I am but a lowly messenger.Josh rolled in his mothers arms and faced the angel. I didnt ask for this. This isnt what I wished for.Sure it is, said Raziel. You wished that the Santa you saw killed be brought back to life.No, I didnt.Thats what you said. You said you wanted him brought back to life.Thats not wh at I meant, said Joshua. Im a kid. I dont always get stuff right.Ill vouch for that, said Tucker Case, stepping up behind the angel. He is a kid, and he is wrong most of the time.We still should cut your head off, said Josh.See, said Tuck. continuously wrong.Well, if you didnt mean you wanted him brought back to life, what did you mean? asked Raziel.I didnt mean I wanted Santa to be a zombie and kill big, dumb Brian and everything. I wanted everything to be okay. Like it never happened. So it would be a good Christmas.Thats not what you said, said Raziel.Thats what I wanted, said Joshua.Oh, said the angel. Sorry.So hes an angel? Theo said to Molly. Like a real angel?Molly nodded, smiling.Not a killer robot?Molly shook her head. Hes here to grant a Christmas wish, to one child.Like it never happened? the angel asked Joshua.Yeah said Josh.Oops, said the angel.Molly stepped over and put her hand on the angels shoulder. Raziel, you fucked up. Fix it?The angel looked at her and grinned. entire teeth, if a little sharp.So be it, he said. Glory to God in the highest, peace on Earth, goodwill toward men.